Endometriosis 3 year Emotional Rollcoaster
Heartache caused by endometriosis ....
When life hands you lemons you are suppose to make lemonade and drink to your heart is delighted with the coolness of the fresh lemonade. What do you do when life keeps giving you lemons and you are drowning in the citrus arena of life?
My story starts with my first surgery at 28, removal of nine fibroids and the first sign of endometriosis -- level one. I spent over ten years in and out of my doctor's office with every treatment imaged to have it all come crashing down in 2009.
I just turned 39, single and no kids, but had such hope that I would have a child one day; it rocked my world when my bowel pain reached a twenty (on a scale of 1 to 10) and I started spotting a month after my birthday.
The doctor tried to do laparoscopic surgery (unable to get her instruments through) at the end of July and I had to wait two weeks before I could talk with her.
August 11th, 2009, my light went out...My doctor informed me that I had level four endometriosis and that the only option that I had was a full hysterectomy. Sadly, I was leaving for vacation on August 13th; the worst vacation ever.
I never had time to soak in what I was going to deal with mentally or emotionally because I had surgery on September 14th, 2009 – barely a month after being told my only option.
The next morning after surgery, my doctor asked me how did I function because the endometriosis was over ALL my organs, and I was notified by my job that I was being laid-off on October 23rd, 2009; I returned to work in November and my last day was December 31st, 2009.
To add salt to the wound, one of friend’s I have know over ten years called to tell me she was expecting a baby one month after my surgery and another friend emailed to ask if I was still dealing with my “problem”. Unbelievable!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Crying was part of the package because I was so angry and my heart was broken and I would just go into my closet and cry for hours. I spent three months in suicidal depression so deep that I just remember getting up in the morning and lying on the couch all day and would take a shower in the evening and go to bed over the three month period.
At this point, I had seen three psychologists and I was not relating to any of them. My first psychologist kept telling me that I need to go on a date. I just looked at her like she was stupid.
I needed to heal and going on a date was not going to help me heal. The third one was just as crazy, she keep comparing her life to my life. REALLY, I am not paying you to talk about you and your life….
My friend’s husband is a psychologist and he has been helping me the last two years. Believe me, I have been a total headache for him, but both he and my friend have been a great support system. I am ever grateful for the little support I have, but this experience has forever changed my life to a point that I feel like I do not fit in society and crying has become an art for me.
I have good days and I have really, really bad days. My life is full of lemons and I definitely had my share of them but I am tired of lemons and sick of lemonade. I do not know if I will ever fully get pass this life changing event; all I can say is I just take one day at a time, because any more than that I have cry sessions that last for days and I cannot cope with life, and then I get settled and living life again.
It is a vicious cycle that will end when I find something to replace this sadness, at least that is what I am being told.
It has been three years since my surgery and I went to the OBGYN a month ago complaining about pain in the exact area where it started and she was like nothing is wrong…. I decided to just let it be for now because I cannot handle another emotional surgery and I am trying to get back on my feet.
As for this choice to have an hysterectomy, I just wished that I had harvested some eggs when I was younger. More importantly, I wish one of my OBGYN would had made the suggestion to do that before it came down to never having children.
You should have your thyroid checked. 40% of women with endometriosis have thyroid problems which can cause depression. You need a full thyroid panel and a possible reverse T3 test.
I had a total of 4 thyroid tests which all came back normal. I kept complaining that something was wrong. I was depressed, but I wasn't depressed. I didn't want to be put on anti-depressants! This can change the chemistry in your brain.
My doctor finally did a reverse T3 test. (Most doctors don't even know about this test.) I was put on thyroid medication and the depression went away. For more information on thyroid disease go to: stop the thyroid madness.com.